Fulton Sheen101 A Priest is Not His Own.

Suffering brings wisdom? As St. Augustine: What I live by I impart. Suffering brings wisdom, but books only natural understanding."

"No priest sees problems so sympathetically as the priest who is standing on the watchtower of Calvary. Like the sun, it cannot be seen, and yet it illuminates all else."

"The priest will show such souls ( speaking of afflicted persons, sick, suffering, dying) that there are no accidents in life, that the Providence of God rules the fall of a sparrow or the loss of a hair,that He made the wind that caused Jonah to be caught and the sea beast that swallowed him, that all sufferings that come to us even from our friends are to be seen as coming from his hand. In the Garden, did He not say to Peter:

Am I not to drink the cup which my Father Himself has appointed for Me? John 18:11

Even the cup of sorrow that comes from those who should offer us the wine of friendship must be seen as God's gift, bitter though it be."

I read Fulton sheen and I try to reflect deeply because I believe God speaks with and through this man. His use of scripture is awe inspiring and something I need to attempt in my own life. I want to be a good priest and if I am to do so, the wisdom contained here is beyond my understanding. I cannot grasp it fully without God and the Holy Spirit, and I should not try to. That last thing has been resonating in my head since I read it and I guess being so worldly, divine providence have not been understood. I don't live like each problem I face is for my benefit, even those of my friends... I must ponder my own involvement in Divine Providence, which I must wonder at. I think each day as St. Cyril speaking on the our father, asking God every time saying the words, thy kindom come, thy will be done. I must ask for myself and others that Gods will be done today and others to bring about the kingdom in our lives. These things are connected and God is speaking to me. I'm learning his speak and attempting to rid myself of my deafness, maybe I'll be like Teresa of Avila someday knowing Gods will.


Well I must go for now,
Peace and love by God our savior!
Michael

As a young man I wonder at the things that drive me, the silly as well as the awe inspiring. I think there is something about the nature of my manhood which needs a cause a drive, a mission to complete. Now being Catholic, we find such a daring adventure, a death defying stunt, or mission. Thinking historically we should be like men going into battle within the ranks of the Israelites battling for Justice in this world. I want to look upon my spiritual battles as such and defy them with my praise of the Lord. We need to renounce our titles however and become one of the many who fear God, but yet we are also the King David whom leads all the men triumphant. We have such a mission! It didn't end or change with the downfall of the Temple or Christ Crucified!! We are fighting, but yet triumphant as our God is with us! He will never leave, and we never want him to! Jesus, our best friend, Holy Spirit our Power, and Father whom is in all does all, as we celebrate the Triune, all we have to do is our best. We put forth the effort, the failure is God's victory! I like to really think about the quote from Maximilian Kolbe -"The real conflict is the inner conflict. Beyond armies of occupation and the hecatomb's of extermination camps, there are two irreconcilable enemies in the depth of every soul: good and evil, sin and love. And what use are the victories on the battlefield if we ourselves are defeated in our innermost personal selves?" This conflict is anything but easy, for anyone, but we need Jesus our Truth our conquerer to take over our battle as we entrust it to him. Each conflict is important and our prayers and faithfulness is how we open our own fields for Battle. If we close off Christ from helping us we start to lose our battle, the upper hand goes to despair and fright. There is no running from each fight as they catch up. Jesus roots out all evil and fills in the Gaps, he gave us our dignity and gives us true life now.
I have realized that friendship in this world is very beautiful and wonderful and a gift from God, but I cannot let it take over and be the thing that completes me. My God and only Him can take my life and make it true.
Even our deepest friendships can fail us where God can't even possibly let us down. He fills us even then if we but realize it, and its not simple, to just understand such a concept. I cannot say I have really totally understood how to place my all in Gods hands as I still rely too much on people to make me happy. Teresa of Avila went through this very thing and yet she's in Heaven. Her life she emptied her need for friends and placed her full trust and happiness in God. This doesn't mean that she didn't get angry with her dear friend Gracian a priest for not writing her and visiting. She still wrote to him complaining that his letters were too few and far between. Friendship is for us to enjoy in this lifetime, but we cannot depend our whole happiness upon others as they no doubt even if unintended let us down.
The battle rages within and in raw physicality in war upon the graves of the Unborn. All of these evils however are brought from the empty wretches of within each soul. Those who are empty need to be filled with good things and those with naught but evil need their innards ripped from them. (I mean the evil that lies within not their guts) This evil stems from lack of truth or distorted truths let on by his most wretchedness Satan. Satan is real and his lies and deceit are everywhere in this world troubling Gods holy ones and causing the death of others certainly by their choice. choosing to love seemingly isn't easy and all the black and white are grayed, though we see but one true white and that is within the bounds of Christ and His Church. Certainly not little c church since we make up the sinful portion of the true body of Christ. Now that I consider the Priesthood I have found a few attacks against me, which I am seemingly well armed against, I hope its not by my own strength however. God is with me and I hope to be without blemish. I am still able to fall, and turn away from Christ so I pray to God I do not, as Padre Pio did after Mass. I know the power of confession and the most Holy Eucharist and they are true weapons against sin. I am being worked by my God to become His, and by His will I will be His priest. I want to be a priest! I want to serve, I want to do battle, not to be looked upon as to have recognition, at least I hope not... God will draw that desire out like the poison it is, I am very sure of it. Pray for me that I become holy and without blemish as I strive to do Gods will in this world and in my life! To do Battle with all the forces of Darkness, and die to rise with Christ!

I leave you with this:"God will not ask how many books you've read, how many miracles you have worked; He will ask you if you have done your best, for the love of Him. Even if your best is failure, it must be our best, our utmost."
~Mother Teresa

God be with You!

Strange yet beautiful

Many things happen for reasons beyond any explanation and I wonder at them. Within these things one wonders what good does God intend to bring from them. I consider myself sometimes and wonder what good can I do, or what good will God place in my hands. I can only hope to be one day understand the workings I see God doing in this world. Its hard for me at this point not to see a divine hand in things as things come and go in such order I cannot see chaos. There is order in everything and even those things so very terrible such as the recent desecration or my friends contraction of limes disease. I do not understand fully why or how the good will come in all these things but I know that it will be for the best purposes. The folly of one person is easier to see is the cause of fallen humanity, but limes disease is a bit untimely. I can see that all natural disaster and disease is for our own good, to understand that we belong with God in heaven. The pain of this world is ultimately related to our separation from God.

It is good then that we have a God who came and truly identity's with our plights and suffers with us in our broken, torn, ripped to shreds nature. I have to anylize truly what is in my nature that continues to bring me down and I have to loose the bonds of sin that contain me. These bonds are my cage, my burden and my cross. I am discontent with where I am, and I desire something more, I guess I've never felt at home within my own home. I think there is something about being with Catholics and friends those who share what is dearest to me. Its no wonder I want to be a priest. I recently received a notice from some Carmelite brothers and I became really excited, because they were discalced following St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross's reforms. There is something about St. Teresa and St. John that I really admire and I feel a certain connection with them. I wonder there is something so beautiful with their desires for God when they were on this earth as everything was secondary to Him whom we Love.

I will skip analyzing that for a moment as I have another thing I wish to discuss as it was yet another blessing God bestowed upon me. It was Wednesday this week that I had to give blood and my sister left to Boston for a bit more than a month. I wasn't giving blood in a blood drive but I went to the doctor to have some blood drawn to have some tests ran. I barely know what to expect with the tests, as it had to do with a concern my doctor had last year about increased activity of enzymes in my liver, which I can't even speculate about. Anyway I went in for all of five minutes and then I had time so I went to Church for some adoration and prayed the liturgy. I noticed a guy about my age in there as he came 45 mins into my prayer time. I was thinking about leaving and he got up to leave and I grunted pausing awkwardly as usual then I asked if he wanted to say the benediction with me. He agreed and so afterwards on our way out the door we greeted each other and He knew me. He's like, "Michael?" I was like,"yeah thats me." All the while I was like who is this guy and he's like, "its me Joe May." I knew Joe from boy scouts growing up and I didn't recognize him at all. I also later made the connection later that his Father was Dean May at St. Olaf and he knew my friend Alan. It was wierd because we were talking outside Church and this 93 year old lady came up to us and started telling us a whole bunch of things and wanted us to visit her at her house. She had come for daily mass, which appearently wasn't that day as there was no sign of Father, or anyone for that matter. She went in and then came out and slipped a 20 dollar bill in my pock and walked away saying why don't you fellows go to dinner. I saind, "I don't know if I can accept this," But I could barely get the words out as she was determined. Joe and I went to pizza talked, reminisced about many things and it was sweet. I was all by divine influence as we really had nothing going on that day and just worked out so well.

I see many things in my life that through my trust in divine order and providence things work out for the best. Why not? I mean God does some pretty amazing things and I think we forget look at these things. I need now to see His work in the less extraordinary things such as my sister does. I look at her faith and see how much pleasure she really gets in the simple things. It is an inspiration to me, as her friendship has really been a inspiration on my life. Life is good and lets love it for His sake, as we love all for His sake. If we love for His sake we experience less hurt or none at all according to the measure of our faith and loves sake.

Peace, for that should be all for now.
Trinity sustainer sustain
Michael

Desecration.

How can one do such a thing? I say this because Evil has been made so manifest before my eyes. Today I come to Church of Annunciation to learn that the Lord has been desecrated. I guess I was in shock, but wierdly my first thoughts were to pray for that person. It took a bit, but I cannot fully comprehend the implications. It really sunk in when I heard Father talk about Seminary and how they would say, "If your not willing to die for the sacrament you should rethink your faith in the True presence." My God, hit me with a ton of bricks please, I believe or at least I want to! Take me, make my faith real unwavering in love of your blessed Sacrament. What a thing to ruin a priests last few weeks before retirement... Pray for Father Evenson, please pray. I wish God would just strike those unworthy down sometimes, but the sacrament is for his mercy not retribution.