As a young man I wonder at the things that drive me, the silly as well as the awe inspiring. I think there is something about the nature of my manhood which needs a cause a drive, a mission to complete. Now being Catholic, we find such a daring adventure, a death defying stunt, or mission. Thinking historically we should be like men going into battle within the ranks of the Israelites battling for Justice in this world. I want to look upon my spiritual battles as such and defy them with my praise of the Lord. We need to renounce our titles however and become one of the many who fear God, but yet we are also the King David whom leads all the men triumphant. We have such a mission! It didn't end or change with the downfall of the Temple or Christ Crucified!! We are fighting, but yet triumphant as our God is with us! He will never leave, and we never want him to! Jesus, our best friend, Holy Spirit our Power, and Father whom is in all does all, as we celebrate the Triune, all we have to do is our best. We put forth the effort, the failure is God's victory! I like to really think about the quote from Maximilian Kolbe -"The real conflict is the inner conflict. Beyond armies of occupation and the hecatomb's of extermination camps, there are two irreconcilable enemies in the depth of every soul: good and evil, sin and love. And what use are the victories on the battlefield if we ourselves are defeated in our innermost personal selves?" This conflict is anything but easy, for anyone, but we need Jesus our Truth our conquerer to take over our battle as we entrust it to him. Each conflict is important and our prayers and faithfulness is how we open our own fields for Battle. If we close off Christ from helping us we start to lose our battle, the upper hand goes to despair and fright. There is no running from each fight as they catch up. Jesus roots out all evil and fills in the Gaps, he gave us our dignity and gives us true life now.
I have realized that friendship in this world is very beautiful and wonderful and a gift from God, but I cannot let it take over and be the thing that completes me. My God and only Him can take my life and make it true.
Even our deepest friendships can fail us where God can't even possibly let us down. He fills us even then if we but realize it, and its not simple, to just understand such a concept. I cannot say I have really totally understood how to place my all in Gods hands as I still rely too much on people to make me happy. Teresa of Avila went through this very thing and yet she's in Heaven. Her life she emptied her need for friends and placed her full trust and happiness in God. This doesn't mean that she didn't get angry with her dear friend Gracian a priest for not writing her and visiting. She still wrote to him complaining that his letters were too few and far between. Friendship is for us to enjoy in this lifetime, but we cannot depend our whole happiness upon others as they no doubt even if unintended let us down.
The battle rages within and in raw physicality in war upon the graves of the Unborn. All of these evils however are brought from the empty wretches of within each soul. Those who are empty need to be filled with good things and those with naught but evil need their innards ripped from them. (I mean the evil that lies within not their guts) This evil stems from lack of truth or distorted truths let on by his most wretchedness Satan. Satan is real and his lies and deceit are everywhere in this world troubling Gods holy ones and causing the death of others certainly by their choice. choosing to love seemingly isn't easy and all the black and white are grayed, though we see but one true white and that is within the bounds of Christ and His Church. Certainly not little c church since we make up the sinful portion of the true body of Christ. Now that I consider the Priesthood I have found a few attacks against me, which I am seemingly well armed against, I hope its not by my own strength however. God is with me and I hope to be without blemish. I am still able to fall, and turn away from Christ so I pray to God I do not, as Padre Pio did after Mass. I know the power of confession and the most Holy Eucharist and they are true weapons against sin. I am being worked by my God to become His, and by His will I will be His priest. I want to be a priest! I want to serve, I want to do battle, not to be looked upon as to have recognition, at least I hope not... God will draw that desire out like the poison it is, I am very sure of it. Pray for me that I become holy and without blemish as I strive to do Gods will in this world and in my life! To do Battle with all the forces of Darkness, and die to rise with Christ!

I leave you with this:"God will not ask how many books you've read, how many miracles you have worked; He will ask you if you have done your best, for the love of Him. Even if your best is failure, it must be our best, our utmost."
~Mother Teresa

God be with You!