Still holding us up.

God holds me tight, and I really see his working into my life in so many ways. I am destitute without my God, my life is meaningless without Him. He is my all, my best, my Lord. My every action breath depends upon the God who brings everything into fullness. My love, my soul must proclaim His goodness, He has come. His mercy and love are too much, he does every good thing for me. He knows perfectly all things in my life and they are ordered, oh how they are ordered! I hurt and ache when I cannot please Him the way I think I should. It is precisely that way of thinking that isn't mature spiritually, it is prideful. It is pride that thinks one can be perfect without God or without His process of purification. I cannot expect to do everything perfectly. However much I am a sinner, I am not destitute. I am simply dependent in all things and if only I knew that in all my days and at all moments. That is yet something to be found, to be sought and all by Christs help proven.

Ti's merry as we celebrate Christ's becoming man to redeem us all. The source of our Joy, our perfection. The joy to be childlike in dependence upon the God man to lift us up to be one. To be in fullness of what we are meant to be. Let us bring out renewed hearts, because love and the longing for God is the start of everything we need. Through everything we do in this world, we attempt to glimpse God. Certainly, every evil in us isn't loved by God, but he does love the good in us. For that very reason it is our need and desire to pursue Goodness itself. Jesus come, be our life!

Off Snowboarding!

I'm really excited to be done with finals! Its just a really weird feeling... Yesterday, I went to breakfast with Peter and Alan and that was really good. I mean we finally got together as a group to breakfast. Things change, but they also stay the same. My parents brought me my snowboard and stuff so that I would be ready for today's journey to Duluth. I feel relaxed, and yesterdays snow day was strange, I wasn't sure what to do with myself. No homework, no finals, I did some cleaning and watching of television. I will dig up that desire to read once again soon. My brain is recovering and maybe all those movies didn't make me feel very good about myself, but running several miles on the treadmill did. Anyway I need to start my day!

God Bless,
Michael

Hylomorphism

Michael Barsness
Dr. Savage
12/05/08

Hylomorphism as outlined by Thomas Aquinas in Part One of the Summa Theologiae, Questions 75-76.

When one attempts to describe a human being how does one go about this great task? This is the account of Hylomorphism a teaching that has been developed in ancient and medieval thought that really is essential to modern Catholic thought. To begin with we must understand where Aquinas is coming from and describe his use of Aristotle and to understand the essence of the soul within that scheme. What is the soul what is its job and what is it composed of, along with how it exists and for how long (does it dissolve or die after the body is no more). The next thing we look to understand hylomorphism in St. Thomas’s view is what is meant by the union of body and soul and even if such relationship exists between the two. Finally we will discuss how it matters in the contemporary period and find how really relevant it is to our modern problem Hylomorphism has its roots in Aristotle, but is really developed by Aquinas in his questions, “75 The Essence of the Soul” and “76 The Union of Body and Soul” from the Summa Theologiae.

The soul is the essence or the 'actuality' of any living objects. We can then say that it is the act of the animal which makes it the particular animal. Taken from Aristotle, every living thing has a soul, while non-living things do not and all things are made up of matter and form. The soul is simply the form of living things. Matter and form are distinct in that matter is the material from which a thing is made and form is the shape. Form is what makes particular matter or a particular thing that which it is. Aristotle’s example is that the soul is like sight. The soul’s essence as analogous to the eye would be sight. If the eye did not have sight it would not be an eye at all. Thus sight is what makes the eye what it is and gives it its form and essence. The form of living thing is the soul and we see that this living soul things certain powers. Plants have vegetative or nutritive powers, which nurture the plant body itself as itself preserving itself. The same would be said of sensitive animals, which have souls described by their ability to sense and differentiate simple things. Animals he declares have vegetative powers along with sensitive powers; and these are separated by those with and without locomotion. Lastly is Man, which is seen as having all these powers yet, possessing one more power which is the rational power. Man at the heart of creation and gives him the abilities or powers of plants animals with additional abilities due to his rational nature. This rational nature is the intellectual soul, which is able to transcend (go beyond itself) to relate intelligently with God and the natural world. The natural world is thereby in dominion of Man and serves the purposes of Man. From this we come to see how much St. Thomas uses Aristotle for his proofs on the soul and the important distinctions that are made in his questions on the understanding of the soul and then its relationship to the body. This is a natural and philosophical analysis of the universe as the nature of man is understood in the world relating to the heavens. Man stands in the middle of the meeting point between living things and the things of heaven.

This soul is immaterial, but is acting with the body to complete the full function of that particular animal. Aquinas proves the soul exists but is not the body. The Soul is the first principle of life and Aquinas proves nothing corporeal can be a first principle of life so the soul, "is not a body, but the act of a body". This life principle is important to understand and may be easy to understand as from a physical point of view. That which is moved has to be moved by a force, but where does this first force come from? "As everything which is in motion must be moved by something else, a process which cannot be prolonged indefinitely, we must allow that not every mover is moved." The Body does not consist of matter alone. Matter cannot be the first principle or life source because, “since, if that were the case, every body would be a living thing, or a principle of life.” We see that this is absurd and no rock or thing is living. Those bodies which are living, owes this life to some principle which is called its act.”

The next task for Aquinas is to prove that the soul is subsistent. This has to do with whether the soul dies with the body or lives on after death. Aquinas says that the soul with its intellectual powers does not need the body for certain operations such as the ability to understand concepts or phantasms and therefore subsist after the death of the body. This is opposed to what is stated in article 4 where the souls of animals and plants do not subsist without the body because there souls are not rational. Aquinas then goes on to ask whether the soul is a man, or is a man composed of soul and body? This has to do with defining the soul more and more towards individual men. Do all men have souls or do we share a single soul? Aquinas says that each man has a soul and it corresponds to the individual flesh of this man. He concludes, “This soul is the man.”

The soul is composed of matter and form, as a whole compound. We are a sympositum, which illustrates how essentially united the body is to the soul. The soul is the form of the whole body and gives it all of its function and powers. The soul as the form of man becomes the act of his body. The soul is not the potential or part of the act of the soul. Matter is the principle by which forms are made individuals so we can say this soul and this body. Form is related more to how a body moves and is the mover of the body. We see this composition of matter and form serving to describe the soul as it pertains to eternal life or damnation.
The question of incorruptibility is similar to the subsistent article, but goes further to describe the soul as always wanting to exist because of its desires to exist and because its ability to know “existence absolutely.” “Existence absolutely refers to the ability of the soul to know things apart from it and to understand everything which would become limited due to a material composition. Matter would disrupt the ability to know things because of its composition as material. Because it has intellect it naturally has the tendency to desire to exist and without matter which is corruptible it will be permanent. This really has to do with his proof that souls exist with God in heaven or hell for eternity.
Aquinas then asks whether the intellectual principle is united to the body as its form. He concludes, “The soul is the primary principle of our nourishment, sensation, and local movement; and likewise our understanding.” He asks if the intellectual principle is multiplied according to the number of bodies. This question has to do with the understanding of the soul as one or many souls connected the various parts of a human body. Aquinas proves that each person has one soul. This question is mimicked a bit by the next question, which is the form of the soul and whether there are other forms besides the intellectual souls form. He demonstrates that the body has one soul (one form) because the intellectual soul is the form of the whole person. He states “It cannot be said that they are united by the unity of the body; because it is rather the soul that contains the body and makes it one, than the reverse.”

He questions whether the intellectual soul is properly united to such a body. The soul must be united to the body and be a unity otherwise the body would not be one. Many operations from the different form would divide the body. For instance this would mean that arms could function on their own without the rest of the body. The matter is for the form and form is not just for the matter. If the form of a rock were something other than the form of a rock it would not be a rock. Likewise was its matter not realized as “rock” by the form, the matter would not be rock. Similarly the soul is the substance of a particular man and has particular powers that pertain to a particular man and his particular body. Aquinas finalizes this when he says, “If however, the intellectual soul is united to the body as substantial form as we have said above, it is impossible for another substantial form besides the intellectual soul to be found in man.”

Why does this theory or proof make a difference in the contemporary period? There are several ramifications for this perception of the soul. For one, we look at the consequences of a divorced science. Science is purely empirical in recent times. Pope Benedict, in his Regensburg Address, points out that philosophy and reasoned arguments are absent from the realm of good science. What cannot be proven empirically is no longer considered valid in the scientific world. Humans are put on the same plane as animals, but having more intelligence. Instead of showing that animals have different, powers we to and prove the idea that man is an upgrade-a hop, skip, or jump from the animal kingdom-and not that our souls give us something intrinsically different. We are advanced mechanical beings, but not those who have rational souls which give us permanence. There is no need to see worth in a person. Without souls or even distant relationships of soul and body (with Cartesian thought), we understand the human equation very differently. The lack of continuity between a soul and mind would give the notion that what one does with the body does not affect the soul. Morality then doesn’t matter except on a useful level to keep order. When we understand the need for a soul body composite possessing rationality and subsistence, we then find everything we do matters very much. Our very souls are at stake when we commit any act of sin or do anyone violence. We really find through Aquinas an account of the soul which brings faith, reason, and science together. I have the courage now to say that we need to refine how science is done as well as rethink philosophy.

Love

What moves me most to love? How do I tick, so to speak? What is it in my life that I am drawn to with such passion that I am deep in the midst of a heap of love? I need to answer this question and I need to keep this in mind when I feel passions or desires and things that drive me.

This is all from Teresa of Avila who is teaching me the deep secrets of prayer and my soul. I need to know myself, but this is the center of all that I seek or so I think. Where is my heart in this life, what gives it life?

Admittedly, this is something I need to discern for the discovery of where I'm supposed to be, seminary, married, or religious life.

I just gotsta know.

Somber.

I'll make this my prayer. Oh, divine Majesty. Most gracious and true God, I yearn for your heart as my own precious life depends upon it. I need you most desperately and I lay my life here before you. I contemplate my own souls distress at not being able to pray as I could. My silence is most detestable and I wish my thoughts were more this, or more that. I don't wish that either, because I am more wonderfully made than that. I notice your design is moving drawing closer, and when I am weak, it seems you do not withdraw your strength. I sometimes wonder at the beauty around me and alas I'm taken by it. By what? I guess everything is of your design, and yet we muddy it up. Nothing hurts your integrity your perfection, but your creation through imperfection we find glimpse of You interspersed in parallels. Diverging masterpieces pinnacled in you, Jesus the Son of God, everlasting Godman, the lamb that was slain. Oh how you live on, oh how you live! Your in the goodness of mans hearts, the tears shed, they are your tears as the drop splashing and mingling with blood. Dearest Jesus take not back you love, love in our hearts for that is what keeps them beating, that which feeds our very breath our life. To you we give praise give all praise. Thanksgiving! Is it not our being we should give?!!! Let us give You Lord of all what you deserve, our very lives! That is who I want to be... Why not? Why not a Priest? It is the very instrument through which I hope to do thus.

I watched a very good show this night, which happened to be on television of all things. It was called the Eleventh Hour. This show really had to do with a detective and this Dr. hood who were tracking these people implanting clone embrios into women. This really was very good at trying to show how much human life isn't some chemistry or biology experiment. It was very sad and depressing and made me really in this weird somber mood hence the title. It really showed how evil some persons can be, but what was good was this Dr. Hoods respect for life. My God I praise you that things like this are starting to show up in so called entertainment. If only it would do some good. Its a strange battle we face compared to eirlier times and I should be thankful that the seminary really is trying to equip me to fight the battle. Take the battle back to the people wining their hearts for Christ, then in turn for our neighbors and their children. Its not me and mine but mine and ours, we are the body of Christ. Even the little ones have rights to life. All life is potency and act, to be actualized, to live and grow. If we don't have life we don't get any choice at all.

Let our heart yearn for all human life as its all very precious. St. Teresa says in her interior Castle that the beauty and depths of a Soul is incomprehensible. This is what it means in Genesis when we are made in the image and likeness of God. Incomprehensible! Because God is incomprehensible so are we.

My Lord take care of my great uncle Luther, may he rest with you forever.
Blessings and Happy Thanksgiving!

Here I am, sitting here wondering at things once again. Where is God taking me? I as this question and I write it down because I honestly don't know. I at this point because God is taking me somewhere and I know each step has His guidance. I ask myself this question time after time. Is it my doubt or is it my lack of understanding. I want many things and tonight I'm reflecting on my experience in this place, this St. Paul Seminary. I wish I knew some things and yet I shouldn't wish, I shouldn't want. I should only seek that which makes me love more. Teresa of Avila sneeks into my life once again. I wonder if its my lack of devotion to her that spurs her on, but she never (in all I've read anyway) backed down from a challenge.

Indeed, I am a challenge case I have little knowledge of my self and I can't seem to pray with any fortitude or solace. Maybe, I desire sanctity in an unrealistic sense and I struggle with my short comings as I attempt to serve the Lord with what little faculties I have. I have been Chaste with women all my life not that it counts for much, which maybe it should. I guess I really need to learn to understand why I am the way that I am to know who I am. That analyzing where I came from and how I have been shaped by my experiences seems to me some good. It does not solve any problems like how do I deal with my lack of discipline and self control. These things I have to start from scratch it seems and bring about change within myself. I must form myself to be better at grammar and spelling and punctuation. I must form myself into one who understands the plights of others, and understands the human person and then Aquinas and Aristotle. These people took their own time to read and try to understand everything why can't I? Maybe God doesn't want me to follow in their footsteps and He would be very gracious if He desires for me another path. I never thought my life would be easy and it won't be the way its going and the world I will have to face. I see now many things about the world I did not so months ago. I see now that we have a President who is opposed to many of our own Catholic teachings. It is now more evident to which battle ground I have to step upon. I see the side for which I have been formed to defend in my weekness. I wonder however how God may use my week shaky hands and quivering lips to work love once again into peoples hearts. I speak of the love for God, for life, and for dignity that we all must come to know.

I see that I am working against staggering odds and I am not alone. The Church is here to stay, its teaching will live on there is no doubt and there is always hope. It seems that there are always new problems in our lives each year old problems die, while new ones spring up. Things never work out as we plan at least not exactly, certainly the seminary wasn't on my wish list this time last year. My God is so good, that when I cannot figure things out, things fall into place. I hate to say all these things were coincidence and I wasn't meant to be at the sem, but that would and should be blasphemy. I am such a doubting thomas when it comes to my own call and I don't know why it plagues me so much and yet so little sometimes. I guess this is why we should read spiritual things because so many of my problems are spelled out in discernment of spirits and the interior castle its not even funny. Teresa of Avil knows me and went through the same things I have and am going through. For example being distracted at prayer with millions of thoughts that take over my mind. Speaking of thoughts, its time for bed, now thats a good thought.

God Bless you!
Michael

Seminary at last.

I am now in seminary and well there's too much to tell for one sitting. All should know that God has blessed me abundantly. I am so loved and I am learning things as things get hard and are difficult. From our varios retreats in the begining and now when classes get tough, to today the feast of the Little Flower who sends showers upon showers of roses upon me. I just want to love as she so exemplifies the child like, and simple. I expect so much of myself sometimes and the weight seems to have been lifted off. I can now just be loved and love, that is all. Certainly I'll study but that comes in good time and I'm patient with myself. I will find good study habits if not now, certainly with grace God bestows on me through future growth.

God Be Praised!

God have Mercy

We can see now the evil square in the face. Evil has shown its colors and Barack Obama has taken it upon his mantle. He was accused of supporting infanticide and he denied it, his voting record shows otherwise and now its clear. Not only is he pro-choice, but now there is no hiding his pro-death stance. Its pretty clear he has sold his soul as many politicians, standing for whatever will get him political office. This culture of death will never be eradicaded in politics alone as our country is full of lost souls still searching. Many don't even care, but that is why we need to care for them. We must take it upon ourselves to pray for them, to love them and fight for their heart. The power of God must win out, and the holy spirit is moving as the Church is moving. We are still in dark times and in desperate times. People are so mesmerized it seems, as I have been in years past that its hard knowing how to break through to them. God I know was working in me from early on as I was in deep. The kind of deep pit within that just ate at me and it was like a swallowing ever moving cycle of sinking and rising. I don't ever want to go back so I must remain faithful as my life is new in Christ.

I often wonder (especially of late) how much of my conversion was myself or God spurring me on to idea and action as the song goes. All good comes from God and I think that has really taught me something as I realize how dependent I am upon Him. Christ pulled me out of the mire and murk of trying to live on my own. He gave me light after light, showing me goodness upon goodness. Each time I grew up, because of the mire I climbed through, each desolation I fell into. Yet everytime I was lifted, every time I was carried, but bit by bit I was stronger because I was let stand on my own a bit more. My faithfulness I owe entirely to God because of His great love and faithfulness. I was chosen in a way to bring good news to others as the spirit works within and throughout my life. I am made beautiful because God Loved, and loves throughout my being. He desires me as His precious one whom did nothing deserving of His love.

All that said, it is scary when we hear of things like Obama supporting infanticide which should remind us of the Nazi regime and other horrors to come. History repeating itself in another name. Evil always repeats itself under new names and this new one in the name of freedom is sick and disturbing. Being able to kill a baby after a failed abortion outside of the womb is a tiny baby step from abortion (which is not lesser of an evil) is taking off the limits of murder. Its like opening the floodgates a bit more broadly. To kill in a broader spectrum.

This is absolute madness, and has to stop, one should be arrested for having an abortion or procuring one. Regardless of circumstances, rape ext, there is no excuse for the lack of understanding of when life begins. Life begins at conception, consult science, common sense, theology, philosophy, whatever they will all tell you th e same answer. Life must be defended at all costs. I mean whats next, euthanasia? More Genocide other than the abortion toll now? We live in yet another faithless generation, and we direly need the true Catholic faith. Lutherans and protestants other Christians have dropped the ball, I mean sure there are many Christians out there that are Pro-life tendancies but they are far from an united front. Its sheer mortal sin to vote for Barack Obama, though that didn't change with his new infanticide tendencies. Sure many who vote for him won't be in mortal sin, because they don't know any better, but those who do... God have mercy. "You can't be Catholic and pro-choice" I almost bought that bumper sticker the other day just to wake people up.

Mother pray for our faith and ask God for mercy on all those who don't know any better. Oh Mary we love you and know you are our Mother, give us more faith in your Son.
Jesus have mercy on us.

Returning to something still ringing true.

It's taken me 50,000 separate wrecks to get here and
I've learned absolutely nothing. As I'm standing here alone,
upright and motionless I am drowning in her sea.
The rising and stinking of every consciousness I've ever known
Now detached and disconnected. The endless cycle of idea and action,
Endless invention, endless experiment, endless hope and endless
disappointment.

and I thought all I needed was just one breath to stay
afloat. For me it was like...like the breath, the last breath, the
last breath that I never wanted. Any of this.

I never thought that this would
capsize, but this isn't a boat, its a coffin! And now I'm moving forward.
Into the sea...into the great sea.

So I begin with the end in mind.

The cycles of heaven, 20 centuries gone by,

come home.

I've fallen three miles now... and I still can't shake this dragon,
but the end is coming like a flood. It's going to be a year for
growing and the greatest amount of forgetting. My sea is dying, but
death is a doorway
and at the very root of me I know this.
It's the greatest reminder. What a broad world to roam in,
what a sea to swim in,

so I begin with the end in mind.
So I begin with the end in mind.

Disconnecktie: the faithful vampire. by Norma Jean

A Priest Is Not His Own, Causes of the priests fall and Resurection

Opon reflecting what I've read today... Today I read probably one of the most slap in the face chapters contained within this book of divine wisdom. Fulton sheen reflects upon what causes priests/and all persons downfall. He relates it to Simon and Peter. The contrast he draws between Simon and Peter, two names of the great Apostle, is likened to the two natures of a Priest: Simon the human side and Peter the Christlike divine side. These natures of a priest are exemplified throughout the Gospel and really help Fulton Brilliantly illustrate the decline and fall of the priest. Where Christ calls the man Simon it is shown the apostles weak state, and failings, calling him Simon son of Jonah, Satan and get behind me. When Peter at the Garden fails to pray and falls asleep signifying his dissent to deny our Lord. Small areas of sin or lack of prayer and watchfulness, lead to sin even Simon's denial. His laziness or desire for comfort sitting by the fire another leading to sin, as well as his failure to stay close to our lord. Fulton says if Peter had first prayed and kept watch, Simon Peter wouldn't have struck the soldier or if he kept close would have prevented himself from denying the Lord.

This reflection really is ingenious in that if we loose sight and fail to be with our lord there is sharp connections with failure. Peter is strongest when he's with our lord and not seeing or following him from a distance desiring to die with Him. We must meet our lord and draw ever closer, seeking him always, and I know that I fall when I fail to live these very things. This very reflection is at the utmost at home with me and strikingly necessary. I have so much to work on and I am in much need of prayer. Speaking of which...

Praise God!
Michael

Fulton Sheen101 A Priest is Not His Own.

Suffering brings wisdom? As St. Augustine: What I live by I impart. Suffering brings wisdom, but books only natural understanding."

"No priest sees problems so sympathetically as the priest who is standing on the watchtower of Calvary. Like the sun, it cannot be seen, and yet it illuminates all else."

"The priest will show such souls ( speaking of afflicted persons, sick, suffering, dying) that there are no accidents in life, that the Providence of God rules the fall of a sparrow or the loss of a hair,that He made the wind that caused Jonah to be caught and the sea beast that swallowed him, that all sufferings that come to us even from our friends are to be seen as coming from his hand. In the Garden, did He not say to Peter:

Am I not to drink the cup which my Father Himself has appointed for Me? John 18:11

Even the cup of sorrow that comes from those who should offer us the wine of friendship must be seen as God's gift, bitter though it be."

I read Fulton sheen and I try to reflect deeply because I believe God speaks with and through this man. His use of scripture is awe inspiring and something I need to attempt in my own life. I want to be a good priest and if I am to do so, the wisdom contained here is beyond my understanding. I cannot grasp it fully without God and the Holy Spirit, and I should not try to. That last thing has been resonating in my head since I read it and I guess being so worldly, divine providence have not been understood. I don't live like each problem I face is for my benefit, even those of my friends... I must ponder my own involvement in Divine Providence, which I must wonder at. I think each day as St. Cyril speaking on the our father, asking God every time saying the words, thy kindom come, thy will be done. I must ask for myself and others that Gods will be done today and others to bring about the kingdom in our lives. These things are connected and God is speaking to me. I'm learning his speak and attempting to rid myself of my deafness, maybe I'll be like Teresa of Avila someday knowing Gods will.


Well I must go for now,
Peace and love by God our savior!
Michael

As a young man I wonder at the things that drive me, the silly as well as the awe inspiring. I think there is something about the nature of my manhood which needs a cause a drive, a mission to complete. Now being Catholic, we find such a daring adventure, a death defying stunt, or mission. Thinking historically we should be like men going into battle within the ranks of the Israelites battling for Justice in this world. I want to look upon my spiritual battles as such and defy them with my praise of the Lord. We need to renounce our titles however and become one of the many who fear God, but yet we are also the King David whom leads all the men triumphant. We have such a mission! It didn't end or change with the downfall of the Temple or Christ Crucified!! We are fighting, but yet triumphant as our God is with us! He will never leave, and we never want him to! Jesus, our best friend, Holy Spirit our Power, and Father whom is in all does all, as we celebrate the Triune, all we have to do is our best. We put forth the effort, the failure is God's victory! I like to really think about the quote from Maximilian Kolbe -"The real conflict is the inner conflict. Beyond armies of occupation and the hecatomb's of extermination camps, there are two irreconcilable enemies in the depth of every soul: good and evil, sin and love. And what use are the victories on the battlefield if we ourselves are defeated in our innermost personal selves?" This conflict is anything but easy, for anyone, but we need Jesus our Truth our conquerer to take over our battle as we entrust it to him. Each conflict is important and our prayers and faithfulness is how we open our own fields for Battle. If we close off Christ from helping us we start to lose our battle, the upper hand goes to despair and fright. There is no running from each fight as they catch up. Jesus roots out all evil and fills in the Gaps, he gave us our dignity and gives us true life now.
I have realized that friendship in this world is very beautiful and wonderful and a gift from God, but I cannot let it take over and be the thing that completes me. My God and only Him can take my life and make it true.
Even our deepest friendships can fail us where God can't even possibly let us down. He fills us even then if we but realize it, and its not simple, to just understand such a concept. I cannot say I have really totally understood how to place my all in Gods hands as I still rely too much on people to make me happy. Teresa of Avila went through this very thing and yet she's in Heaven. Her life she emptied her need for friends and placed her full trust and happiness in God. This doesn't mean that she didn't get angry with her dear friend Gracian a priest for not writing her and visiting. She still wrote to him complaining that his letters were too few and far between. Friendship is for us to enjoy in this lifetime, but we cannot depend our whole happiness upon others as they no doubt even if unintended let us down.
The battle rages within and in raw physicality in war upon the graves of the Unborn. All of these evils however are brought from the empty wretches of within each soul. Those who are empty need to be filled with good things and those with naught but evil need their innards ripped from them. (I mean the evil that lies within not their guts) This evil stems from lack of truth or distorted truths let on by his most wretchedness Satan. Satan is real and his lies and deceit are everywhere in this world troubling Gods holy ones and causing the death of others certainly by their choice. choosing to love seemingly isn't easy and all the black and white are grayed, though we see but one true white and that is within the bounds of Christ and His Church. Certainly not little c church since we make up the sinful portion of the true body of Christ. Now that I consider the Priesthood I have found a few attacks against me, which I am seemingly well armed against, I hope its not by my own strength however. God is with me and I hope to be without blemish. I am still able to fall, and turn away from Christ so I pray to God I do not, as Padre Pio did after Mass. I know the power of confession and the most Holy Eucharist and they are true weapons against sin. I am being worked by my God to become His, and by His will I will be His priest. I want to be a priest! I want to serve, I want to do battle, not to be looked upon as to have recognition, at least I hope not... God will draw that desire out like the poison it is, I am very sure of it. Pray for me that I become holy and without blemish as I strive to do Gods will in this world and in my life! To do Battle with all the forces of Darkness, and die to rise with Christ!

I leave you with this:"God will not ask how many books you've read, how many miracles you have worked; He will ask you if you have done your best, for the love of Him. Even if your best is failure, it must be our best, our utmost."
~Mother Teresa

God be with You!

Strange yet beautiful

Many things happen for reasons beyond any explanation and I wonder at them. Within these things one wonders what good does God intend to bring from them. I consider myself sometimes and wonder what good can I do, or what good will God place in my hands. I can only hope to be one day understand the workings I see God doing in this world. Its hard for me at this point not to see a divine hand in things as things come and go in such order I cannot see chaos. There is order in everything and even those things so very terrible such as the recent desecration or my friends contraction of limes disease. I do not understand fully why or how the good will come in all these things but I know that it will be for the best purposes. The folly of one person is easier to see is the cause of fallen humanity, but limes disease is a bit untimely. I can see that all natural disaster and disease is for our own good, to understand that we belong with God in heaven. The pain of this world is ultimately related to our separation from God.

It is good then that we have a God who came and truly identity's with our plights and suffers with us in our broken, torn, ripped to shreds nature. I have to anylize truly what is in my nature that continues to bring me down and I have to loose the bonds of sin that contain me. These bonds are my cage, my burden and my cross. I am discontent with where I am, and I desire something more, I guess I've never felt at home within my own home. I think there is something about being with Catholics and friends those who share what is dearest to me. Its no wonder I want to be a priest. I recently received a notice from some Carmelite brothers and I became really excited, because they were discalced following St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross's reforms. There is something about St. Teresa and St. John that I really admire and I feel a certain connection with them. I wonder there is something so beautiful with their desires for God when they were on this earth as everything was secondary to Him whom we Love.

I will skip analyzing that for a moment as I have another thing I wish to discuss as it was yet another blessing God bestowed upon me. It was Wednesday this week that I had to give blood and my sister left to Boston for a bit more than a month. I wasn't giving blood in a blood drive but I went to the doctor to have some blood drawn to have some tests ran. I barely know what to expect with the tests, as it had to do with a concern my doctor had last year about increased activity of enzymes in my liver, which I can't even speculate about. Anyway I went in for all of five minutes and then I had time so I went to Church for some adoration and prayed the liturgy. I noticed a guy about my age in there as he came 45 mins into my prayer time. I was thinking about leaving and he got up to leave and I grunted pausing awkwardly as usual then I asked if he wanted to say the benediction with me. He agreed and so afterwards on our way out the door we greeted each other and He knew me. He's like, "Michael?" I was like,"yeah thats me." All the while I was like who is this guy and he's like, "its me Joe May." I knew Joe from boy scouts growing up and I didn't recognize him at all. I also later made the connection later that his Father was Dean May at St. Olaf and he knew my friend Alan. It was wierd because we were talking outside Church and this 93 year old lady came up to us and started telling us a whole bunch of things and wanted us to visit her at her house. She had come for daily mass, which appearently wasn't that day as there was no sign of Father, or anyone for that matter. She went in and then came out and slipped a 20 dollar bill in my pock and walked away saying why don't you fellows go to dinner. I saind, "I don't know if I can accept this," But I could barely get the words out as she was determined. Joe and I went to pizza talked, reminisced about many things and it was sweet. I was all by divine influence as we really had nothing going on that day and just worked out so well.

I see many things in my life that through my trust in divine order and providence things work out for the best. Why not? I mean God does some pretty amazing things and I think we forget look at these things. I need now to see His work in the less extraordinary things such as my sister does. I look at her faith and see how much pleasure she really gets in the simple things. It is an inspiration to me, as her friendship has really been a inspiration on my life. Life is good and lets love it for His sake, as we love all for His sake. If we love for His sake we experience less hurt or none at all according to the measure of our faith and loves sake.

Peace, for that should be all for now.
Trinity sustainer sustain
Michael

Desecration.

How can one do such a thing? I say this because Evil has been made so manifest before my eyes. Today I come to Church of Annunciation to learn that the Lord has been desecrated. I guess I was in shock, but wierdly my first thoughts were to pray for that person. It took a bit, but I cannot fully comprehend the implications. It really sunk in when I heard Father talk about Seminary and how they would say, "If your not willing to die for the sacrament you should rethink your faith in the True presence." My God, hit me with a ton of bricks please, I believe or at least I want to! Take me, make my faith real unwavering in love of your blessed Sacrament. What a thing to ruin a priests last few weeks before retirement... Pray for Father Evenson, please pray. I wish God would just strike those unworthy down sometimes, but the sacrament is for his mercy not retribution.

Lets Stir the Pot

For starters I will describe why I desire to blog. I think now that I have started a new chapter in life that I can really get to the bare bones of things. I want to collect my thoughts and share them with others and the idea isn't entirely mine as I owe my friend Rosey all reason a credit for my starting this new blog. I did livejournal for a while and now I decided to stop that. I guess my reasons might have been for the very purpose of not spending hours reading or surfing the web. So that didn't work out in the long run, as you see my new blog here. I'm not intelligent and I'm maybe witty some of the time, but that is not at all the point. I desire to be true, as truth has been a theme in my life up to this point and I know it won't end. I have or believe I have found the Truth, Jesus Christ and Him Crucified. He is the reason for being and all being. I can further define Him according to the truth of Him contained in His Church. So that said the Church or more pointedly the Roman Catholic Church becomes my very large entity containing the heavens and beyond, universes and beyond. Frankly its bigger than the world as our good friend GK Chesterton puts it. Being Catholic makes everything come alive and the walls are thrown down.

Certainly we find sin and death in the world, but that is because of the choice we all make, between love in the objective, beautiful all-encompassing sense, and sin the rejection of goodness for falsehood and evil. Sin is always the unloving action, or that which severs the ties of goodness. I guess I'm not here even to defend my faith as this is for my own purposes as I begin my life towards the priesthood or at least my vocation. I've been Catholic for three years and I've learned much, but I've scratched the surface. I want and desire God. My need, my unquenchable need for righteousness is just beginning. This need as we'll call it has just begun and progress is liken to that of the stone age even before they found fire. I'm learning that Sainthood is something real and to be sought after. Only through God his life/divinity that we receive at the most holy sacrament is our way to righteousness and union with God. We must run the race and finish as Paul writes to us as he sets the example of true piety perfected in Christs undying love.

There are so many examples(Saints) of who God wants us to be, yet of our own flavor and color as we the unrepeatable people dance or slog across this earth. Life is good, if we just let God make it good. Christ in union with the Spirit takes us by the hand, guides our minds to higher things if we are open to His love. I guess even that is saying too much or too little, because God tends to have a hand in opening even our closed doors, sometimes breaking them down with some of the wall to go with it. Why not? We are His and He likes to stir the pot.

Let the love and Joy of God be with you all,
Michael